Saturday, December 6, 2008

the ghost of christmas past

tonight i did two seemingly unrelated things. i started reading "Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters" by Courtney E. Martin; and i watched "A Christmas Story."

so what does one have to do with the other?

both the book and the movie made me yearn for a simpler time. an era where toys were toys, men wore 3 piece suits, food was largely unprocessed, women were starting to assert their Independence from "the home" if they so chose, tv was an extravagant luxury, the internet was many, many years away, the distractions were fewer, the pace of life was slower and people simply enjoyed each others company.

oh what i would give to live in a simple little world. i would gladly give up most of my modern day conveniences. i could do without a microwave, a blow dryer (i never use one anyway - unless I'm trying to look like Chaka Khan or Whitney Houston circa 1985), a tv, dvd/video player, a computer, the internet . . .

perhaps my new years resolution this year will be to try and live as simply as possible. although, that means i'll probably have to end this blog (but i doubt the 3 or 4 of you reading it will be too heart broken) . . .

Thursday, December 4, 2008

are you there god?

it's me, kelly.

first, how are you? second, i've been really good this year and would like for you to deliver these items for christmas - oh wait! wrong list, baby jesus doesn't drive a sleigh.
in any case i hope you're doing well . . . the reason why i'm writing is because i'm confused about many of the "goings-on" in our society today (these concerns are largely focus on women's issues - so if you want you can stop reading this letter and attend to more important matters like the situation in afghanistan, starving children in third world countries, or AIDS in africa).
but if you do choose to keep reading (don't say i didn't warn you) here's what i'm wondering about:

*why are women starving themselves to fit into size 0 clothing? a woman's size 0 uses the same measurements as a size 8 in girls. why do healthy women with beautiful figures want to look like undeveloped 8 year old girls?

*why are girls going backward? seriously, if i ever walked out of the house with "juicy" printed across my ass - my mother would have marched me right back inside. i wouldn't even do it now. hello tacky!

*wtf on photoshopping?seriously! i think there are some occasions that call for a little photo retouching - but you still want the image to look natural and nearly identical to real life. but the magazines, the ads, etc. have got to curb their enthusiasm! everything is so airbrushed, so retouched that we are living with an extremely false perception of reality.

um i'm going to stop with these observations, if you or anyone reading this blog have answers to the above please let me know.

thanks god. tell mary i said what up.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


god grant me the ability to accept the things i cannot change (my love of chocolate, the size of my ass)

the courage to change the things i can (little bedtime snacks - hey i need to get in a good carbohydrate rich treat before bed - it knocks me out cold)

and the wisdom to know the difference (ok the ass thing i can probably change)

but seriously - look at the years of conditioning i'm up against. i mean who lets their baby eat like that?

Monday, December 1, 2008

an accurate description

one of my girlfriends gave me a pack of gum with this saying on it. i still have it.

for anyone (all 2 or 3 of you) reading this blog who does not know me - i am engaged.
that does not mean i don't sometimes wish i could throw rocks at my fiance.

small rocks.
pebbles really.
ok, ok those little dust pebbles that only look like rock but turn to crumbling dirt upon impact!

what?! i just want to knock some sense into him!

geez. . .
like you've never thought of it?!

Sunday, November 30, 2008


is there anyone else who specifically avoids reflective surfaces so they won't see a reflection of themselves?
no, really this is a serious question . . . am i the only person who'd rather go around with a chunk of food stuck in between her teeth than look at my face in a mirror?

probably you're thinking i'm insane. probably you're right.

i didn't always used to be like this. apparently, at one point in my life (around age 5) i couldn't stop looking at myself . . . around the 45second mark in this video you'll see what i mean. . .

p.s. i'd like to point out that most likely i thought being able to watch my every move on the tv while my dad was filming was why i was so fixated on my appearance and not because i thought i was the most fabulous kindergartner alive. that sounds plausable right? because that's my story and i'm sticking to it.

Friday, November 28, 2008

double edged sword

thank god i'm vain.
one of the main reasons i stopped throwing up was so i wouldn't ruin the enamel on my $3,000 smile (thanks for the orthodontic work mom and dad).

i wish i wasn't vain.
one of the main reasons i still suffer with body dismorphicness is because i'm vain (ok and probably because i'm slightly crazy too).

thank god i'm vain.
because no one should see me without product in my hair. seriously - my hair unproductified is like a foxy brown afro. it could eclipse the sun.

i wish i wasn't vain.
if i'm having a "fat day" i don't like to go out or see people because i don't want them to look at me. seriously. you're cringing aren't you?

thank god i'm vain.
have you seen "sensible footwear"?

vanity. the double edged sword. it makes me crazy and able to look presentable at the same time . . . evil yet redeeming . . . and it always wins in the end . . . just like me.